he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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