Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
