i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
