thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
smell my finger.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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