I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
