I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
