dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
