I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
