May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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