This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
