So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
