Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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