Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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