then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think your dad took our porno
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
