the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
