I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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