I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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