I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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