There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
