When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
