Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
