Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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