1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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