im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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