I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
