New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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