I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
