I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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