Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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