Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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