how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
