So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
