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from now on my penis is your penis
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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