VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
