Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
