do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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