I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
