so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
as a side note pls kill me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
