It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
