i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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