I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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