You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
