Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
