you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
