we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
