I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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