his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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