currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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