dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
