Heybabeimwearingurpanties
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
