Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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