i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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