She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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