i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
